The 69 cups of coffee issue. August 12th, 2018
Dear reader: welcome to the second issue of BANANEWS, the Voice of Manila!
THE SKINNY
Went on a trip and cammed from the hotel, Chaturbate almost kicks me out, did a show in public where I gave you a tour of the city, and did arguably the best Epic Ticket Show I have done to date. What a month and we still have 10 days left!
Crown Goal: 24/25. One Crown away from Crown Party!
Room Raids: 6/10. CHTRBT almost kicks me out last week for doing them. Read the scoop.
Public Outing: I had my first Twitch stream and you wont believe what happened!
Chain Reactions: How to be the BEST Marmy Soldier
Lexicon: Fapwad, who is one?
Cinema: password is POTATO all caps, replays start around 16:00 EST
Deal of the week: August's Epic Ticket show was on Thursday and if you missed it you are in for a treat! It is called "Chocolate Squares" and you can get a copy this week only by tipping 555 tokens with the word "Chocolate" and your email in the tipnote
Flag contest: submissions are officially closed and the polls will begin tomorrow. Read the rules here.
QUEEN MILA'S REFLECTIONS
It was a glorious sunny day in Manila when we coined my new favorite word. I asked for help naming the concept and out of the shawdows a wild Esteban appeared and without a hint of hesitation blurted out: FAPWAD! From today it is now an official term in the Lexicon.
What is a Fapwad, you may be asking yourself right now... what a great question, dear reader! you sure are smart!
Fapwad is a non-believer. It is someone who spoils the fun. Let’s compare it to another word we use a lot to refer to a slightly different type of internet animal: the “Troll”. A troll is someone who spoils the fun for everybody else but his intention is to entertain himself. So when a shitty troll succeeds the happy count might go from 300 happy people in the room to 299 unhappy people and the troll who is now happy. 299 to 1. If the troll is a good one though he will troll with banter and some tolerant folks might find him amusing, so the count could lean a bit more towards happiness with maybe 200 pissed people 98 bemused people, and the troll who is happy. Still a negative outcome, but with a silver lining.
Fapwad is no troll. Fapwad is never happy. He brings negativity for the sake of negativit, his goal is not to entertain himself and his attempts at spoiling everybody’s fun are completely devoid of entertainment value. Fapwad then, is anyone who spoils the fun in all seriousness. It could be someone who burdens the room with a half an hour detailed explanation of what it is like to live with a colostomy bag. Don’t get me wrong, we all feel for people who suffer, but perhaps a room of 10,000 strangers who just want to have a good time is not the best place to look for a shoulder to cry on. When this particular flavor of Fapwad finishes his story, our spirits have sunk, our smile has gone, and everyone just wants to leave, go take a shower or watch a Friends episode.
Another type of Fapwad is the righteous one. You probably have a friend like this in your life. Say you go out for dinner and you go to a restaurant and you have your eye on this delicious burger, a half a pound monster, great buns, all sorts of crazy, you order it, are excited until Fapwad starts singing the song of his people: “you are going to get so fat! You shouldn’t eat that burger, 2000 calories!.. that’s what I eat in one full day… don’t come crying when you don’t fit into your new skirt”. These are also the types to call someone OFFENSIVE SUPER SEXIST WHAT A PIG for telling a simple joke. Happy people let other people have their fun even if it comes with a hint of future regret. Fapwads don’t. Fapwads need to tell you exactly how you are wrong, what you will regret and how every single time.
Finally there is the Fapwad who is never happy and is always looking for the flaw. They go to a movie about intergalactic war and complain about explosions in deep space. You just want to watch your movie and eat your popcorn but this Fapwad wont let you suspend disbelief for a second. They buy a dress on sale, complain about the shape of the sleeves. They leave negative reviews for lightbulbs on Amazon and rarely leave the store without talking to a manager. You ask for 900 tokens they say "this show will take forever" You flash your boobs they say your arms are too long. Fapwads! They bring negativity, seep self doubt into your life, are envious of your successes, bring up past failures over and over again, it's the people who make you miserable for sport.
Now that you got the concept, it is time to do some soul-searching. Are you a Fapwad? You could be one. Think about it… do you whine about your life all the time? Do you ever nag your friends about their happy habits? Do you call them out when they sleep past noon? Do you shame them for eating a steak? Do most jokes offend you? Do you poop on other people’s parties? If the answer is “yes” to any of the previous questions do not worry! Realizing you are acting like a Fapwad is the first step to stop being one. Some great people have been Fapwads and turned their lives around. You can learn better ways!
The second step is to identify the Fapwads in your life so you can keep them at bay. Your phone rings, you pick it up and for a split of a second think “I hope it’s not _______” fill in that blank and that’s your first Fapwad. Take some distance from them and never regret it because if you value your happiness you must make it a priority in your life. If distancing yourself physically from all Fapwads is not an option, at least distance yourself emotionally and stoping caring what they think.
And what about the circumstantial Fapwad? The Fapwad that spoils the fun from afar? This is the guy who points out the flaw in your new bike… just learn to recognize them as Fapwads as soon as they open their mouth and don’t let them spoil your fun! Your bike is still awesome, that burger is delicious, and sleeping past noon is a human right!
MY FIRST TWITCH STREAM
It was crazy! It was wild! It was everything we dreamt of! We took over Twitch so I could give you a tour of the city on my last day there. We had breakfast at the hotel buffet, went outside on the hunt for a selfie stick, then headed to the Royal Palace. On the way there I showed you the random street performers and also the statues and landmarks of interest. When we got to the statue of the man playing chess you won't believe what happened!
At the peak we had 400 viewers watching the stream, which isn't too bad for my first Twitch stream ever but we MUST BEAT THIS RECORD. We need to get 4 digits on my next stream, that is 1000 viewers watching. So this week instead of doing Room Raids we will be raiding my own Twitch stream So head over to Twitch and follow me, that way even if you aren't watching on CHTRBT you will get a notification when we raid my own room so you can help us get to 1000 viewers!
TOP OF THE CHARTS!
The Marmy is the craziest bunch out there, and these two weeks have been a solid proof that some of us belong in an asylum! Check out some of the highest tips so far in August!
CHAIN REACTION
Lately we reach insane viewer counts in the room, up to 20k people. It is bigger than some stadiums! And with a group this big it is really fun to do chain reactions, which are the internet equivalent to a stadium wave.
A Chain Reaction has 2 parts: the Trigger and the Reaction. The Trigger is an action that happens spontaneously and surprises the chatroom, and the reaction is when EVERYONE in chat responds by posting something over and over again in chat.
Example: someone tips a 1000+ token tip in the room. This is the trigger. Nobody knows when someone will go crazy and tip 1000+ tokens, so when it happens we are all surprised. The reaction (in my room at least) is that everybody posts emotes of a nuclear bomb in chat, over and over again, so it is a huge conga line of atomic bombs. This makes the "rush" of the 1000 token tip last much longer and we can all participate in the joy of it, with or without tokens.
Emotes are small images or animations that you can post directly in the chatroom for free. They are fun because they convey an emotion better than words and you can use them to participate in Chain Reactions! Eventually variations of the emote can be posted too! This wakes up other people who join in on the emote chain and it feels like a stadium wave! Being a part of a large group of people beating to the same drum is a lot of fun!
In order to post an emote you have to type a colon in chat followed by the code of the particular emote you are looking for, no spaces. For example, typing :nuke in chat will render the Atomic Bomb emote you need to post after a 1000 token tip
Emotes are free but in order to post them it is mandatory to enter the colon ":" at the beginning of the code or it will not work. You don't have to remember the code for every single emote, because when you start typing it the system will try to autocomplete your code with all the emotes in the library that match whatever you have entered. This way you can also discover new emotes related to the one you were looking for.
The two most important Chain Reactions:
Nuke Reaction: 1000+ tip / :nuke emote
Parrot Party: Goal met / :prt emote
There are more Chain Reactions but with these two you are set for now. I will explain more of them in the next issue of Bananews.
ROOM RAIDS
August is the month of the Happy Revolution! What we are trying to do is make at least one person happy every single day of the month. It doesn't have to be grand gestures, we can just do just a little thing for someone else and see their face light up. I suggested you do the dishes at home or maybe get your kids or your wife or your roomates their favorite candy from the store so they know you were thinking of them. Every day you can focus on someone new to spread the happiness far and wide.
There is force in the numbers though so when we are all together in my room we can make something BIG happen with little effort. Each person puts their own little grain of sand into the pile and because we are so many we can change someone's life around. This is what we are trying to do with the "Room Raids".
If you have never seen one before what we do is we pick a model who is struggling from say, page 46. She has maybe 4 viewers total, and doesn't have many followers. Being buried like that by all the models online makes it very hard for a model like this to catch a lucky break, even if they are fun and personable and nice. Some will never get ahead simply because they are so far back. Once we have made our pick I post a link to her room in the chat and everyone goes to her room at the same time. Since models are ordered by number of registered viewers watching, the idea is to bring her to the homepage. Once she has hit the homepage I give a signal and we all tip her at the same time! The best number to tip is 13 since it is my lucky number, but you can tip whatever you want, it is all good.
Watching these models get raided is good for the soul. It gives you an opportunity to be generous with someone else "just because". It gives me the opportunity to make an impact on models who are starting out or who have been struggling for a long time and who really need a hand. It lets us do something positive with the strength of our room, instead of logging off and have my viewers split into 10 different rooms that are already at the top and don't need more viewers anywya, we direct all these people to shine a light on someone new, bringing her to the homepage and give her a day to remember. CHTRBT in general also benefits from raids because it makes the homepage more interesting, and brings a spirit of kindness, generosity and good vibes to the community.
If you missed them this is a full list of all of our raidees. You can click on the gifs to go to their bios (and follow them!):
The first girl we raided was That Nerdy Chick whose name is "Fortune". She was just talking with her room when we bombed her and she got so excited she started to cry. She tweeted at me after to thank me for the raid, and I just thought it was the sweetest thing. If you want to visit her and spread some love click here. If she isn't online you can still follow her so you get a notification or an email next time she is on.
Lea has a cat, is a teaser and is very gentle, so her username checks out. If you like a slow paced strip tease you better give her a follow. You can find her over here.
Then we raided Brooke. She is drop dead gorgeous and was new to the site, so she was at a loss of words when we raided her. It was very cute to see her try to figure out how to react to it, and she ended making it to the top row! If you like timid blondes then Brooke is definitely 4U. Go follow her.
But by far, my favorite Room Raid was the last one we did. I picked a girl from THE LAST PAGE of the site. She was wearing a dorky hat and had braces and a sweater with an inspirational quote that read: "collect little pretty moments". You might think I am silly but I believe in serendipity and I took her sweater as a sign that we should pick her. What sold me on her though was how genuine and down to earth she was. I said "hi" in her chat and she gave me the biggest smile. So we raided her. You wont believe what happened. She started crying from happiness and called someone over.. her mom? a friend? who knows? but they hugged and she kept saying "thank you thank you!" to everybody over and over again. It was so touching she made ME cry!
Everyone could see how amazing she was so she got to 20,000 viewers! By far the most successful raid we have had. Her name is Stephanie and she is from Colombia. Go give her a follow here.
They say you can't make waves without getting splashed, and you know how there are always fapwads in this world who want to ruin the fun for everyone. So I got reported and the following day I got a warning from CHTRBT's admins telling me I couldn't broadcast someone else's stream in my cam and threatening to terminating my account. I got really worried and upset over it.
Here is the message support sent me and my reply. I promise I am not a madman, I was just really upset. You can click on the image to see it larger:
I was so upset I told you all about it and asked you to write to support and explain to them why Room Raids are good for the soul and we should be allowed to keep them. You must have written a TON of emails because that very night I got an apology from support in my email, written by an actual human being, telling me the warning I got was a mistake and they were going to ask top management about the Room Raid concept:
The wrote me the following day to say Room Raids are 100% CHTRBT APPROVED!! We can Raid anyone we want and I can stream their video feed with my reaction, no problem! I was so happy and so relieved to hear we get to keep making girls happy when we want to! So let's keep doing it!
If you want to suggest a model for a Raid send me an email with ROOM RAID on the subject. You must include a link to the model's room and also a screenshot of them on cam so I can see what they look like in case they are offline. The requirements for raiding a model are:
1) She must be a struggling model so she must have less than 100 viewers per broadcast on average, less than 10k followers.
2) She must speak english at a conversational level
3) She must be on cam when I finish my shows (14:00 GMT+2)
4) She must not have a lush on or ANY apps going that could clog the chat with text (such as dice app)
5) Not mandatory but I would rather raid an independent model than a studio model if you know how to spot the difference.
If you do suggest a model, please don't push me for a Room Raid. It is fun when it is spontaneous so I do them when the fancy strikes.
FLAG CONTEST
SUBMISSIONS FOR THE FLAG CONTEST ARE NOW OFFICIALLY CLOSED.
These are all the submissions accepted into the contest:
Each day from now until the end of August I will nominate 2 flags chosen at random and it's up to the room to save 1 of them. At the end of every stream the losing flag will be eliminated and the winning flag will remain in the competition!
If your favorite flag is nominated you can remove it from the current round and exclude the flag from being nominated in the following 2 rounds by tipping 3210 tokens in a single tip. You must then nominate another flag to take it's place. If a flag is saved at the last minute, an additional grace period of 15 minutes to vote/tip to save it will be granted.
On August 31st we will choose the winning flag out of the remaining bunch through popular vote
The winning flag will become our official symbol and the winning designer will get 1000 tokens they can either choose Mila Credit or get actual tokens if they have a verified account to spend in any room and/or cash out.
ROUND 1: Dod404 vs FatTurd123
HOW TO VOTE: on my next stream type "1" if you like Dod's flag or "2" if you like FatTurd's flag in my chat. I will try to leave the gates open as long as possible so even grays can cast their vote. By the end of the stream the flag with the most votes will win and the losing flag will get eliminated from the contest.
Good luck designers!
We have reached the end of this issue of Bananews! See you tomorrow at the usual time and the usual place. Meanwhile, let's all hang in Cinema. I will be DJing some oooooold videos today... the password is a starchy, tuberous crop from the perennial nightshade Solanum tuberosum in all caps.
Love,
Mila.